Love, actually...

Love. We think we know what that is. That is, until we get married. Or until we have a child. In fact, our vague notion of love is utterly shattered into pieces when we read Jesus’ words in the Great Commandment (Matthew 22:37) to love the Lord our God with all our hearts, with all our souls, and with all our minds. But let me not run ahead of myself.

Before I met Jess, I thought I had an idea of what love “felt like”. I was certain I had been in love before – but in all honesty, I hadn’t known that kind of love. The moment I fell in love with Jess, my notion of love was shattered and completely redefined. Then we got married. Marriage is the culmination of love between a man and a woman. It joins them as one unit, under a not-so-easily broken covenant. It’s in this covenant union that their affections are tested, stretched and substantially grown. It takes work to allow your notion of love to be redefined on a daily basis.

I love being married to Jess and I know she loves being married to me. It’s something we both acknowledge on a daily basis. Yes, we can and do irritate each other. I irritate Jess by being so chipper in the morning. She irritates me by not being so chipper in the morning. But our love supersedes our irritation and I’ve learned to serve Jess in the morning by doing all the morning chores, so that she gets a chance to wake up properly. I take what I have and, instead of using it to irritate Jess by trying to cheer her up, I use it to demonstrate my love for her in an act of service. When I finally got that down, pregnancy hormones kicked in and, suddenly, the lack of chipperness extended beyond 20mins in the morning. When I feel insecure, I have to remind myself that Jess is not mad with me and, in that place, press in harder to demonstrate my love for her by using my morning mood to get her breakfast ready. It can be hard but I love serving her in this way. I think that I have a high capacity to love.

Until I read a statement I made on Facebook exactly 2 years ago:

“In doing a study on The Great Commandment "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind", I've come to realise that loving God on this level is so hard. Loving God with our heart attitudes, our very personality and giftings, and our thought life means being utterly consumed by Him in every way. However, God knows this. That's why Jesus sent us the Holy Spirit, even after He died for us. He knew we would need help. Even in our worst and most difficult moments, we have access to Love, to be taught Love on a higher level by the Spirit of Love.”

My capacity to love on a natural/horizontal scale could be defined as pretty high. But in reading this statement, I am reminded of how short I fall from loving God on the scale that He deserves. I put so much effort into loving my wife the way that she deserves but I don’t come close to putting as much effort into loving Jesus the way that He deserves. My capacity to love on a vertical scale needs a lot of work. A lot. And I'm going to need a lot of help. A lot.

Yes, there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. However, just like letting my love for my wife be stretched and tested daily can be hard work, the same must be said for the love I have for Jesus, but on an exponential scale. I cannot allow the love I have for Jess to grow cold (which would happen if I listened to any insecurities that could arise through taking Jess’ morning “chipperlessness” personally), and I absolutely cannot allow my love for Jesus to grow cold either. And that, my dear friends, is going to take some work. Hard work. Truth be told, as my capacity to love Jesus grows, it will directly affect and influence the way I love Jess. In fact, in direct proportion, it will grow my capacity to love Jess in the way that Christ loves the Church.

Over the course of the next few weeks, I want to to rediscover exactly what it is to love God the way He deserves: with all my heart, with all my soul, and with all my mind. I hope that I will get to take some of you on that same journey with me, (and hopefully get to share in your journey too) and I pray that together we can be stirred to love the One who loves enough to call us His own, to call us His children. And not just to love Him but to let our capacity to love Him grow to the point where we are, in fact, utterly consumed by Him, using what we have to reveal our deepest affections towards Him.

(Disclaimer: When I say Jess is not chipper in the morning, I DO NOT imply that she is moody. What I mean is that she doesn’t see the bright side of being woken up by an alarm and, although her eyes are open, she is still mostly asleep. Whereas, I am the total opposite. When I get out of bed, I am 95% awake, and happy to be awake, until the first sip of coffee touches my soul.)